Insurance Policy
Mood:  special
Topic: family

I think about my mom all the time. When she was alive, we had a lot of difficulties, we had been partly estranged for a while, and generally it was not the ideal mother-daughter relationship. Nevertheless, she was my mother. In her better moments and at her core, she was loving and nurturing. If I ever needed anything, I knew I could count on her, whether it was money or a place to stay or a warm meal.

When she passed away, I knew my father's "thrifty" (e.g. cheap) personality would come to the forefront. My mom was always the one who convinced him to do or get things for us, from our first computer, to taking trips, to birthday money. I don't know what kind of final expense insurance, like life insurance, they had, but I imagine the costs of her funeral and even the headstone must have been a burden. Though he seems confident in the amount in his pension and his monthly income, he continues to work long hours with little time off. I worry for his future. Also, I miss the small gestures of a mother - buying me a microwave for my first apartment, making sure I had a safe car to drive, and sending me pocket money whenever she could wrangle it out of my dad's hands.

I hope my father has mortgage insurance or mortgage protection insurance, too, and is able to pay off his mortgage. I want him to be able to retire and live comfortably. What would happen if he couldn't support himself or got ill? Would he come live with me? I kinda think living with my brother is a better idea. Two bachelors might get along better.

Of course I am upset at my dad with his recent behavior. Being behind on my bills and in debt surely doesn't make me a bad person. It's a situation I wish I could change and will change in time. Is it worth destroying our relationship? Is there an insurance policy for that?

Wishes
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: family
So, my father didn't call or send me a birthday card. No birthday text or email. My father is usually on the spot with holiday cards, so it's unusual to have this void. Well, not so unusual. He actually forgot both my and my brother's birthdays two years ago, the year my mother died. That sucked pretty bad. But did we even say anything to my dad about it? No. We just went on and figured he wasn't used to remembering these things on his own, that my mom would have usually reminded him. But now?

Ghost Chickens
Mood:  bright
Topic: politics

I've been having cravings these days. Yes, for meat. Chicken, specifically. And bacon. Though, Rahim would probably really prohibit that. Maybe it's those KFC commercials, about the new sauceless spicy wings. Yummm. I was never much of a wing person anyway, but probably because we just didn't eat out that much and not "American" food very much. I worry about the chickens, too, that would haunt my dreams.

I used to joke that in order to eat meat, I'd have to either live in a 3rd world country or hunt it myself. Then it would be a matter of survival. I would crouch down behind a fallen log, the trees creaking and swaying around me, a spear or crossbow heavily perched on my arm. Hunting blind, I would only have my senses to guide me - noticing the animal tracks, the wafts of scent in the air, the speaking or silence of the birds. Surely, some creature would sound an alarm at my approach. I'd probably make a lousy hunter, swatting away bugs and cracking dead branches as I tread along.

I'd love to do archery though, for fun and recreation. If R and I ever get really settled, that would be a fun sport. I could adorn my arrows with fancy feathers and such, like people often do to their fishing lures. Of course, the center of the padded target would be my only aim, not the flesh or guts of a living beast.

Fairy Tale Job
Mood:  silly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three reasons to like my summer camp job:

• getting to watch good movies for free, with enough adult humor to keep me entertained (and that the kids don't get)
  
• crocheting during the movie and on the bus ride
  
• free pudding

Only two more days left!

Personal Security
Mood:  not sure
Topic: random

Ever since the ‘non-happening,’ I’ve been paranoid about personal security. I’ve reconsidered beeping my horn at folks, taking a kind of “turn the other cheek” approach instead. Maybe I’ve been abusing my car horn. Now, in that situation, I was in the right, but as I’ve learned over the years and Rahim is quick to remind me, “right” doesn’t count for much in the real world.

So, should I be looking into where to buy mace and pepper spray? I used to carry pepper spray whenever I went walking, but that was before we had dogs. As if my little chi babies would protect me from the rapist behind the bushes or the loose pit bull. I met a girl once who was mauled by a big dog, I think a pit bull. They get an unfair rap, so I don’t want to assume, just because I can’t remember. It could have been a Labrador for all I know. Anyway, he tore a big chunk out of her leg, and she was just jogging by. He was on a leash but the woman walking him couldn’t contain or control him.

In the babysitter’s neighborhood, I often see women walking around with sticks. Actually, they all carry sticks. It’s mostly for the loose and stray dogs, but that says something about the neighborhood too. Why so many mean dogs getting loose? But then again, Rahim has encountered a few loose (aggressive, not mean) dogs in our neighborhood too. My dogs will bark, but if you put your hand down to pet them and say something nice to them, they’ll generally wag their tales and jump up on your legs to be petted. My landlord actually chucked his shoe at them once and I was on the verge of throwing one back at him. The nerve! Another reason to move.

But I digress. Nowadays, you don’t even have to carry a stick. You can carry something like “covert” pepper spray that comes in a ring – yes, jewelry – that can shoot your would-be assailant. I really like that idea. Does pepper spray work on a dog? I wonder.

One More Nerd Quiz
Mood:  cool
Topic: blogness

I thought this was pretty accurate. Some of the other nerd types were artistic, literature (which I think I am too), anime, and gamer.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^

What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Not Much
Mood:  spacey
Topic: money

Looking back at my debt, of course there is a lot of self-censure and criticism involved. What did I buy? What do I have to show? And the answer is inevitably not much.

What do you get for those gallons of gas? The stretch of distance, of arriving, of leaving. I've wanted to leave for so long, not just this place (where I grew up, the South, my family), but also this condition. I feel like I've been working since I was 15 years old. I have. If it weren't for this teaching gig, I'd still be slaving away. Thank goodness for summers off. People definitely take teachers for granted and think we're spoiled and undeserving of that time off. The truth is that we work so diligently during the year that we have earned it. We care for the most precious resource in our nation, yet we are hardly regarded with esteem. 

Under the advice of companies like Abacus Debt Management, I may just be able to get to a comfortable place. Everything else in my life has fallen into place. But it's so easy to make missteps when it comes to money. Not to mention that the system is made to work against you. I am trying hard to turn that system around and find the niches, the nooks, and the crannies were I can carve out a resting place. Debt free.

World Wide Web
Mood:  chatty
Topic: blogness

Things I've been doing on the internet lately:

looking at all the new baby gadgets and learning toys

visiting shopping websites

reading blogs

looking at pictures of tree and fern tattoos

comparing jogging strollers and other such niceties

looking up side effects of the medication I (re)started taking

learning about the specific mental disorder my psychiatrist has labelled me with

using dictionary sites to look up the spelling or meaning of words I thought I knew or really don't know

using an online thesaurus too

looking for foreclosures and houses to rent

blogging way too much (instead of writing)

I remember when the internet was just a rumor to me, and the first email I ever sent, on a black screen with green type. Wow, how the world has changed!

What do you do online?

Debt 101
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: money

I know I've been talking about debt a lot lately, but it's a chronic problem for me. One of the things that has helped me lately is reading good articles online. Ya know, basic debt management information. Face it, our country is built on credit and loans. That's why the housing market's crash is affecting so much of our economy, stuff that doesn't even seem related to mortgages and such. I've been hearing more and more about how more people are starting to fall behind on credit card payments, too. One report discussed credit card companies increasing interest rates and lowering spending limits for customers that have solid credit and payment histories, primarily to boost their "profit" in the credit card sector. So, that might end up being another meltdown for the financial markets and our economy.

Seriously, I read this article about bank fees that has me livid again about my bank and the situation I just went through. The article questions the legality of these bank fees, and although the guildelines apply primarily to UK citizens, I think it's worth looking into. Once I get back on track by probably consolidating my debt and lowering interest payments, I'll also be interested in having a lot of negative history removed from my credit report. Building back good credit is one of my goals for this year.

NBAF
Mood:  not sure
Topic: random
My friend Heather reminded me to attend the Black Arts Festival, which happens annually in Atlanta, including dance, theatre, films, art, and talks. I've attended several times in the past, since I started living here. The most memorable event was going to see Paul Robeson Jr. I really adore his father and his strides in the arts.

A lot of positive events this year that sound exciting - Cornel West, Alice Walker, and a production of The Color Purple. I look forward to some good documentaries too.