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A Room of Her Own
Sat, Jun 14 2008
Word Association
Mood:  not sure
Topic: poetry

Thinking about fathers and my father in particular makes me also think about my mother. And I was inspired by this prompt. I guess one of these days, I need to go through the poems I've written the last few months and do some revisions. The dreaded revisions!
***

A Memory

her words fill the gaps
of our work
like strands of sunlight
from here to there

we are shaping dumplings
or walking through a wood
our eyes to the ground
to spy out the roots we want

she tells me about a little girl
scared of caterpillars
who would hop up
on her brother’s back
at the clap of thunder
who cracked the whole length
of her fingernail
falling from his shoulders

and other times
she comes across a memory
that stills the air
then only the smoke and ash
of the cigarette between her stained fingers
fill the space between us


Posted by mary at 8:48 PM EDT
Updated: Mon, Jun 16 2008 10:51 PM EDT

Mon, Jun 16 2008 - 10:34 PM EDT

Name: "Christine"
Home Page: http://mariacristina.wordpress.com/

Nice poem, how it shifts in time, as the character is seen from a distance.

It's interesting, the stories parents choose to tell their children. 

Tue, Jun 17 2008 - 4:07 AM EDT

Name: "Nathan"
Home Page: http://disorder1313.wordpress.com

I really like the way the steady movement of walking mirrors the telling of stories. My favorite aspect of this work is the way that movement stops as the characters reach the story that can't be told. Using the image of smoke to stand in for this story is fantastic.

Tue, Jun 17 2008 - 7:43 AM EDT

Name: "paisley"
Home Page: http://whypaisley.com

well i hope in your hurry to revise (LOL) that you leave this one alone... i am in love with it and the picture that it paints just as it is.....

Tue, Jun 17 2008 - 10:47 AM EDT

Name: "mary"
Home Page: http://bluehairedmary.tripod.com

You all are too generous with your comments. I will revise it, but it may just be a few words or phrase.

Tue, Jun 17 2008 - 12:00 PM EDT

Name: "danni"
Home Page: http://sunflowerseedthoughts.blogspot.com/

this is a beautiful memory presented with beautiful imagery, especially when she just sits with the cigarette - how many times i've done it myself!!!

Wed, Jun 18 2008 - 8:03 AM EDT

Name: "Crafty Green Poet"
Home Page: http://craftygreenpoet.blogspot.com

I enjoyed the way this flows and the last stanza is very pleasing

Wed, Jun 18 2008 - 4:40 PM EDT

Name: "one more believer"
Home Page: http://pieceofpie.wordpress.com/2008/06/17/firelight/

yr mother comes alive through the spaces between.... scared of catepillars...the crack of thunder.. everyday sorta things..

Thu, Jun 19 2008 - 2:45 AM EDT

Name: "Felicity"
Home Page: http://www.mandatoryhappiness.blogspot.com

Beautiful. :)

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